ZeroZero: Manowar Page

Manowar Special

Manowar, (self proclaimed) defenders of "True Metal" are the subject of this ZZ special metal page.

Manowar was founded backstage at a Black Sabbath gig in the early 80's. It was Joey De Maios intention to create a band which would truly kick arse, particularly false-metal ass!

This band sings about how loud they are, and how "All Men Play on Ten" and they aren't joking : Manowar is officially the loudest band - check out the Guiness Book of Records! They didn't fail to crush false metal and made the Guiness book of records twice as loudest band, defeating their own record.

You may wonder why we didn`t feature Manowar earlier - but where do you start with the Kings of Metal? Manowar will always kick arse as long as false metal exists. Manowar should be extra vigilant with the rise of so called 'NuMetal' and 'Sports Metal' : both are misnomers and truly suck! So I guess we didn't get round to this because we didn't feel we could do justice to them, but this is our attempt to represent.

You can always smile no matter how bad music gets because you know Manowar will NEVER be false. The band embrace every aspect of True Metal - if anyone is foolish enough to dismiss them because of their swords and magic lyrics and their metal clothes, then Manowar will be pleased at losing this type of lightweight false metal friend. While bands have started having boring piercings and silly "skate" clothes whilst claiming to be metal, they will never defeat the Trueness of Manowar. Their fans are the most loyal of any, and the band is like a religion - Manowar will never fail. Unless you can accept these facts as the complete truth and truly realise the power of them, you will never understand why Manowar are so hardcore. Their "Hail to England" album contains this statement on the sleeve: "We are Manowar. We are invincible. Death to False Metal. Hail to England".

Manowar signed their record contract in their own blood, and set about their quest to destrot false metal. Many criticise what they percieve as arrogance, but overlook many rappers who claim to be the realest and most hardcore ever, or wack house DJs who think they`re the shit. Manowar are the only band in any field of music who can truly claim to have surpassed all competition. Almost two decades of making true metal proves this. They are the Metal equivalent of 100% alcohol, but with tasty flavours.

The world needs Manowar, because Metal makes stuff real, false so-called `nu` metal does nothing but fuck up your dress sense and ponce about on a skateboard moaning about weak shit, being lame, winging and being a brat. Metal, and especially Manowar makes you realise what you thought was humanly possible can be twatted by Metal, because Metal makes you realise that self-belief and non-compliance with manafactured `heavy music`can help you attain clarity of thought, correct action and proper conduct.This is because fads and fashion are WEAK.FUCK FALSE METAL!!!!!!!!!!! (The weak ones will die)

Check out Manowar and lift your axes, swords, spiked clubs, and great hammers of war high,and hail to True Metal! The only thing we note with sadness is that Manowar seem to refuse to play in England, Scotland or Wales. We have asked them to "Hail to England" like they claim to, but they refuse. For them to continue to ignore their brothers and sisters in the land they formed in is a poor sign. Answer our Hail!

Some Manowar Rules for Life:

- "All men play on TEN!"
- "Death to False Metal"
- "Woman Be My Slave" <A joke perhaps?>
- "Kill With Power"
- "If you are not into metal, you are not my friend!"
- "Don't wear no crackerjack clothes" <Clothes which are made for those who are false>

Battle Hymns (1992)

This is where the quest for true metal began. Manowar engaged such topics as Manowars right to conquer and pillage the world, and of course, `naaaaaaammmmmmmmmm`.The early production is a bit basic, but the Metal is true, and the Metal screams are beyond the realms of the false ones. This is their most simplistic album, but even those who only like their trad metal/rock shit, such as AC/DC, etc will feel the raw rock`n`roll shit on display here, and the Metal is beyond the skill of the false ones. In these times of weak false `Nu` metal, this album shows you why relying on weak crutches like wallets-on-chains and a lame DJ who can`t scratch is WRONG, and there was nothing wrong with old Metal to start with. Tracks such as `Shellshock` and `Metal Daze` show you why the power of True Metal will never die.

Into Glory Ride (1983)

Starting with a classic sample of sex sounds and "She's only 16!" being screamed by the girls mother, this album is almost mythical in its reality. Metal at its best - Priest style true Metal : a continuation from the previous album. At the same time, new elements of Nordic behaviour are added to the mix - Valhalla both as a subject matter and as an 'essence feature prominently; Nordic hails also make a first appearance. Experimentation bring this album closer to the Manowar ideal - interesting Piccolo Bass guitar riffs and darker, more solemn songs and darker vibes. Don't be confused by the garbe they adorne themselves with - this is real metal with not one sniff of false sniff. If Bathory and Judas Priest had a shag, this is the sound they would produce. Buy!

Hail to England (1984)

This is undoubtedly a classic album. All of the tracks rock the balls off the false ones. Indeed, one track "Black Arrows", demands that every note played in a 3 minute speed guitar solo "...be a black arrow of death, sent straight to the hearts of all those who play false metal!"

The album starts off at a fine tempo, with cracking tracks like "Kill With Power", and then proceed onto a track titled "Army of Immortals". This track is devoted to Manowars fans, but takes on a battle type of atmosphere. Bridge of Death starts off slowly, with some intricate guitar masheadery, and turns into one of the most epic tunes ever produced by the kings. Death to False Metal.

Probably the cheekiest lyrics appear on this album, with lines like :

    -    "...Metal makes us strong, it makes us stronger, stronger....."
    -    "..you stood beside us, the false ones cried.."
    -    "..we have read your letters, we have heard your call, we were brought together cause we`ve got the balls, to play the loudest METAL!.."

Truly one of the classic metal albums, as good as "Reign in Blood" or early Sabbath. Check for this coz its banging, son.

Sign of the Hammer (1984)

Manowar were well and truly fucked off with false metal by now, and this album opens with the track All Men Play On Ten, which should be your guidance for the correct volume to listen to this at. They scorn false bands concerned with image and popularity at the expense of Metal, and you know they're gonna whack any chumps who try and make them wear crackerjack clothes and get a sound thats real thin...

After two rocknroll style metal tracks - Manowar style - we reach a reflective track named Mountain. In a similar vein to Bridge of Death and Gates of Valhalla, this is a song which laments the weakness of those who cry. Shouting "Tall as a Mountain" and other emotive words of metal, we are reminded why they are the Kings. The Oath is a window to the future directions Manowar takes, in particular it sounds like tracks on the Triumph of Steel; staying true to your style comes naturally.

This is an album that tends to get overlooked, because there are no swords,barbarian women or blood on the cover, but dont think that means Manowar have held back, they are ready to mock the false ones and those who cry at not understanding True Metal. There is also a very confusing track called Guyana, about Rev. Jim Jones and the suicide cult, however it sounds like Eric Adams is screaming "Dianaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" - this is very funny; the only time one should ever laugh at Manowar except out of laughing as the false ones cry.

Fighting the World - No review yet.

Kings of Metal - No review yet either.

The Triumph of Steel

Opening with unquestiongly the most epic and complex metal song ever - Achilles and Ecstacy - this is the best Manowar album of all. The first track alone merits this distinction, with a 28 minute track with eight parts, including a virgin seven minute drum solo from Rhino, classical sections and minutes of the fastest guitar solos ever heard - it tells the ancient Greek story about Achilles and his fight against his mortal enemy Hector! This is the epic tale as written by Homer, but translated into the language of Heavy Metal. Naughty Hector steps up to Achilles, only to be battered into a shitty mess by the twin styles of Achillies and Metal! Rhinos debut track sees him accomplish some of the fastest and most hardcore drumming, the only thing that could ever match the awesome black metal speeds of people like Hellhammer (Mayhem). The track starts boldly, then descends into a funereal lament for Patrocles, then its battle all the way as Hector shits it and gets his chump ass boxed.This track makes up just the first track, but at 28 minutes, shows you that Manowar fear no concept.

The next track is a classic anthem called "Metal Warriors", in the vein of old songs like Army of Immortals, this lays down the credentials a Manowar fan needs to have, ie the balls to play Metal louder than hell, and not have to leave the hall. Your head will be spinning as they rampage through tracks like Demons Whip, the Anti-US settlers track "Spirit Horse of the Cherokee" which scolds naughty punks who skanked the Indians, and then the album ends with the utterly classic "Master of the Wind". No one should be able to hear this without thinking that, as they say "Nothing is as bad as it seems".If you hear this track and still moan and whine about stuff, you should be killed as a disgrace to True Metal.

Steel triumphed, but nothing much was heard from Manowar, studiowise for a long time. The world needs another album like this because it will blast from the sky in a hail of Metal and lacerate the idiots who think Metal bands wear baseball caps.DEATH TO FALSE METAL!

Louder Than Hell - No review yet, but check it.